When He means “Sorry”

Mrs Pearl Badmus (not real name) was unable to celebrate 10 years of marriage. Why? Her husband did not die nor did she get divorced from him, she simply left the house and moved in with her best friend; “just until he knows my worth”, she had said. Unfortunately, it seems her husband is yet to know her worth, because he hasn’t come begging on his two knees.

Women are delicate at heart, no doubt! We are the day dreamers of the world, we create and recreate events in our minds. We picture how things should go and that’s what makes us great event planners. Oh yes… we do not only plan events we plan ‘apologies’ and how they should come. That singular attribute has knocked many marriages off the chart.

Many marriages have gone south today because some women did not realise that marriage is not always a win-win game. IN SHORT, for many women it is a lose-lose affair. They lose their shape, their girl’s nights out, their pride, their intelligence to pay obedience to their husbands. Some other women find it difficult to transit from the courting era to the wedded era. They expect things to go on as before; but why not? Isn’t the party and the rings and the marriage certificate that makes ‘us’ different. I am still me and you are still you! Yeah right! Honey, the minute he put that ring on your finger in front of the whole congregation, he became the boss.

Bosses like to be attended to, they like to be listened to, they like to be respected, they like to be obeyed, some even like to be worshipped *arrgh* Get used to it girlfriend. It’s all part of the package.

Now back to our friend, Pearl. Mr. Pearl had come home late the other night; now, not that that is the first of its kind but this time around he came back a little tipsy. Mr Pearl had been out with the boys, having a good time discussing football, politics and God-knows-what-else.

So he came back home reeking of beer and cigar. Pearl got furious and demanded an explanation without caring if the nanny could hear or not. Mr. Pearl who was no longer his usual cheery self got more than a little pissed and instead of voicing his displeasure at his wife’s tone; he simply took out a stick of cigar, lighted it and started smoking conveniently. He had just broken the number one promise! His promise not to drink or smoke in the house had just flown out the back door.

Pearl was livid! She stomped off to the room, took her car keys, opened the door; went out. Till today, Pearl and her husband are yet to return to sleeping under the same roof. Why? Pearl wouldn’t take an apology short of the type of apology she is expecting. The heart breaking thing is Mr Pearl tried to apologize in his own way.

So the next day, after Mr Pearl had become sober, he calls Pearl and asks that she come to his office for lunch. No ‘sorry’, no ‘please’. Well, Pearl took note of that and she went ahead for lunch. 45 mins of a good meal and cold conversation; Pearl expects an apology which he doesnt do…and she just gets more annoyed, tells him not to call her till he is truly sorry and she leaves,

Could pride be the issue? The both have got pride issues, but instead of dealing with that they have left it to fester. Bayo is silently angry that Pearl left the house for something he sees as trivial; Pearl is angry because Bayo broke her trust and disrespected her.

Days passed, then weeks, months… no one was ready to budge until Bayo ‘mistakenly’ slept with another woman. That killed the whole thing.

Who is right? Is the question to be right or to have peace? Bayo had apologized his own way by inviting her to lunch. He took of his money-making time to have lunch with her! Jeezzzz. Why did she have to allow her marriage to rot? Why didn’t she see that apologies tendered in matrimony are different than those during courtship.

A man is a born hunter but lady, he already married you. Game over! NO more hide and seek. You ave got to bend over lady and accept his apology whether it is in form of a time-out in his office, ‘how are you’, ‘come back home’ or whatever sign he gives. Men see themselves as the boss and they want to be right all the time. They want to be the correct one! They don’t want to kneel down to say sorry.

Ladies what do you think? Could this have played out differently? Who was unreasonable…and isn’t this a surprisingly common story nowadays??