Difficult Mothers In Law

I try to ignore her every time she comes around, but she makes it very difficult because she is in  my every business, constantly saying, my son likes his stew made in this way , his clothes should be hung according to colours, this children could be better behaved , honestly how does my poor son cope with this madness, I heard Temi telling her group of friends. oh! Yours is very mild , I think mine is from the pit of hell , she would show up without notice and would want everything new we have in the house and oh! Yes leaves with them as she goes. Our plasma went with her , my own car too. Now she actually thinks we spend too much on food, why do they drink tea everyday and juice as frequently as they want? My son’s money just goes on trivialities. Ha, na wa in our time we helped our husbands save their money instead of squandering it. When I told him Titi would be better for him he said no its an Ibo girl he wanted, here we are, retorted Ada and there was burst of laughter amongst the group of women who had a million tales to tell about women who should take them as daughters as opposed to the rivals they are not. Painful it is to hear and see the things mothers in law do to the wives of their sons, some even to the husbands of their daughters, the experience though, is predominantly had by women.

Who invented this concept? Why should the wife be enslaved by the mother of a man she deemed fit enough to spend the rest of her life with? Why should there be a situation where more reverence is accorded one’s own child above another’s for the singular reason that they came from one’s loins. There has to be an explanation to this sort of bad behaviour. I have seen cases where mothers in law fight their daughters in law and even go to the point of cooking for their sons while they are visiting (quite an appalling concept). Draw the Map explain to the 21st century wife why amidst the hard day’s toiling , tending to her children and serving her Mr. forever, gracing his bed, and still having to look like she stepped out of the latest Vogue or cosmopolitan, she has to also deal with a raging mother in law who hasn’t gotten over the fact that at best she can only just be a mother to her son and nothing more.

Why won’t she just die and go home to hell where she belongs? Ivie once asked . “Because she probably is a witch”, answered Gbemi, “why won’t they all drop off the face of the earth and let us breathe and live our lives in utmost peace?”she added , As Samira on the other hand who is still single and hoping to get settled someday, gave them a promise, ‘well I have decided before I get married , the man’s mother must first be dead because there is no way I am sharing any silly mother with her son. Oh! I have this friend who said she would end up with an orphan for a husband, because she is not ready for any family ties, any mother in law fights or more, and true to her word she got what she wanted, Nkiru told her friends, If there’s any justice in the world these women will just drop off the face of this earth and leave us the world alone. I once got a message on my bb of a dialogue that ensued between a mother in law and her daughter in law.

WHO OWNS THE MAN?

Mother : I carried him for nine months , he weighed 3.5kg – 4kg, I cleaned up his diapers till he was two, I breast fed him for about one year. I am the reason he is what he is today.

Wife: I have carried him every night for the last five years and still counting and he weighs between 90-120kg , I have breastfed him since the day we said I do and will till our dying days, I cook his meals everyday wash his clothes, I have borne his exact replicas as children (Little Hims) and I take care of them too. really at this point who should own the man?
Lagos Mums your guess is as good as mine! (This is just a joke but it shows the mindset of the two most important women at play in a man’s life).

Ladies I know it is really hard, infact it can be very excruciating, it almost feels like you do not have roots, like you came from no where and you should be grateful their golden boy married you with the way your mothers in law treat you. But I believe in one thing and that is, there will always be respite and peace will always come to those who deserve it. In my opinion life is too short for any kind of wahala (in our Nigerian slang) , if you are lucky to perceive it before you venture into the everlasting walls of matrimony then it would be wise for you to run for your dear life. If you are already in one then your respite will come. It has to come. One of the biggest gifts in life is forgiveness and that’s your safest outlet. Keep forgiving your mothers in law , be the bigger person always let it go , don’t be dragged into unnecessary arguments and painful fights, word exchange is very uncalled for. You need to always remember there is more to life than any hassles or drama that will draw you backwards instead there is a lot to achieve, you need to be alive for your children, you need to be God’s darling girl because that’s how he sees you.

The best place always is to be at God’s feet calling unto him for help, no cowardice , no fights no fetishness, always stoop to conquer it’s the best way to victory and love is the shield through the war. Always love her no matter what.

Contributed by Omua Onyon