DALM: Keep Calm…..And Give Me an App
Okay, I’m a working mother of 5, juggling the demands of kids aged between 13 (read fashionably lazy teen) to a 6 month baby (read adorable but exhausting bundle of joy and broken sleep). In addition to this I am running a small business in Lagos (read “101 in frustration between fielding off spurious Lagos State demands” yet acting as own local government). Let’s not forget acting as referee between the regular clockwork squabbles between my 3 middle kids; whilst still shamelessly stalking Kim K’s Instagram account so I can gain the secrets to eternal youth, getting back a killer figure mere moments after childbirth. While always working the ‘sexy’ for my ‘bae’ or is that ‘boo’?
Last night, I sadly discovered my dream was actually my to-do list for the following day and as I staggered (late) out of bed. Trying to actually make tracks into this list to do, whilst trying to switch off the sound from my 100th WhatsApp chat group; which further broke already sketchy sleep, I take a moment to ponder exactly what app a woman like me REALLY needs in the age of technology:
- An app that gets my teenager out of bed and prevent brain/body atrophy before School restarts.
- An app that will naturally repel ‘thirsty’ state government agents and replace them with serious minded ones actually ready to do their work
- An app that will immediately locate AND bring to my location whatever tradesman is needed for the current emergency. This artisan will actually understand and can fix the fault, not simply come for ‘day light extortion’ and raise my already elevated blood pressure levels
- An app that lulls my precious baby to a full night of undisturbed sleep……okay, maybe that’s asking too much!
- An app that can act as judicious referee between my squabbling trio; ensuring none feels favoured, slighted or overlooked.
- An app that will stop me being ‘petty’ and hating on Kim K’s lifestyle and privileges (read plastic surgery) and actually motivate me to establish and maintain a great work-out routine.
- An app that stops me hating on people who say ‘bae’ and ‘boo’, respect my age and try some of these ‘love talk’ on my man and see what ensues… I will keep you posted.
- An app that can get me so say ‘no’ to invitations to the multiple WhatsApp groups I agree to join. All seemed like a great idea at the time; School ones reminding me which project my child (read ME) need to work on, Social Ones on best place to buy couture and lace front wigs (read why tempt self?). Of course and Church ones reminding me to repent before the End. Question is, will I recognize Armageddon whilst busy chatting on my myriad Groups?
Someone, please! Keep calm and get me an App.
Contributed by Bola Benson | Proprietor, The Libra House Montessori School