Written by Saudat Salami
In 1995, a few years after I passed out of secondary school, women from around the world converged in Beijing for a global conference on women rights. This would be known later as the Beijing Conference. That conference marked a significant turning point for the global agenda for gender equality. It set the objectives and actions for the advancement of women and the achievement of gender equality in about 12 critical areas including women and poverty, education, health, armed conflict, economy, human rights, media and the girl child.
My early 20s was about getting more education and securing a job: I was not then interested as such in politics and Nigeria. But one thing I remember at the time was: everything a woman did that smelled of “equality”, the men around would scream “Beijing!” It was more like a mockery.
About 20 years afterwards, I am more aware and very interested in politics, policies and Nigeria. Having married, started my business and joined various business groups with all the challenges I face daily as a woman, I realised that the Beijing Conference agreement that was to address gender inequality is still a big issue and far from being achieved.
I keep asking myself: when are we going to get there? Who needs to make things happen? How will we know when we are there? What part can I play?
As a business owner and a woman, I took ownership of the last question, “What part can I play?” If something needs to be done properly, do it yourself.
We want equality with the men, we want access to the same things, we want to be taken seriously on merit, we want to inherit and lead, we want to be heard, we want access to loans and lands, we want to determine our fate and live life as we wish. But, right, the power to grant these things is with the men.
How can we make them grant us these powers or fight them for these powers? What are the present strategies in place and why are they not working as fast as we need them to? We are asking for 30% representation but why not 40%, why even put a limit to anything? What is wrong in having only women in leadership positions, after all, men have been doing it all this while? How can I contribute to the solution? What can I do in my home and with my circle of influence that will make us achieve our goals? If the present is not as we want it, how can we shape the future into what we want?
I have a single-minded proposition: let’s start with how we raise our boys who are the men of the future. Let’s change how we teach them to treat their sisters and females in general?
This will sync with you if have boys and girls as offspring. The girls are helping around the house and the boys are playing computer games with their friends. When the boy gets married, the wife complains she does all the work in the house without help from her husband. It started from when he was playing computer games while his sister was “helping mommy in the kitchen.” If the wife somehow succeeds in getting – or in some rare cases, allows – her husband to help around the house, when the mother-in-law or sister-in-law finds out about this, they say she has ruined their son’s’ life. She has turned him to a mumu or boyi-boyi (househelp). Yet, once upon a time, when the mother-in-law started out she wished her husband helped around the house. The sister-in-law is also secretly wishing her own husband helps around the house. Why is it okay for the men to be the head chef/steward in most restaurants/hotels, but demeaning to dominate their own kitchens at home? Go ahead, answer the question.
How are we raising our boys to be the dutiful husbands we want who help around the house and treat their wives as equals? How are we raising our boys to be the competent leaders our country deserves who provide opportunities for everyone regardless of gender? How are we raising our boys and girls to see themselves as equals in all the various categories Beijing Conference raised.
We need to indoctrinate our boys/men and programme the 12 categories Beijing Conference agreed upon into their brains from the get go. We need to change the mindset of our children. We need the schools to help as well. All the places of learning must be involved if we want to make this world women-friendly.
When we were in school you won’t find the boys in home economics class, why? You won’t find the girls in technical class, why? If we segregate studies in school there will be segregation in jobs and positions of power.
If we segregate at home and tell the boys to play while the girls cook and clean the house, we will have problems when they grow older. The bachelor will not be able to sort his home, while the husband will not be able to help his wife at home. When it is time to scout for leadership positions the man will not think of the woman in this role because he already thinks the kitchen is where she is useful.
When the girls are growing up, we are quick to tell them about duties of the wife. She will be taught to cook, clean etc. When will we start doing same to our boys? The promiscuous girl is called a prostitute but the promiscuous boy is hailed as “baddest – street lingo for “correct guy.” It is about time we call a bad thing by its name regardless of the gender committing the crime.
We ask the woman preparing for marriage if she can cook. If she employs a maid we look at her as lazy, yet when the man is preparing for marriage, who asks him if he can change a light bulb or fix a table or any house work, yet when he employs an electrician or any artisan to carry out domestic jobs no one calls him lazy or incompetent.
When men need their wives to contribute to the rent and school fees it is okay, but when the woman requires assistance in house duties and taking care of the children, we all shout that it is not the man’s job, and the loudest noise is from the female -in-laws.
We all have our roles to play in making sure that we achieve all the 12 goals of the Beijing conference. The role of the men in the home and nation building is as significant as the women’s – it takes two good heads to steer the home ship and build a nation.
I like to pick my battles especially the one I can win. I can mould the mindset of my children in terms of equality and other good attributes I want from a leader, wife, husband or citizen of a great nation. If I am not in power yet, I am a wife/sister/girlfriend/mother/female family member to a leader in power, I can influence his decision for the good of my country. I do not have to be in power to make a change. I have that power and I can utilise it positively to influence and make changes to empower my fellow woman and meet all the 12 critical areas of the Beijing September 1995 agreement. What about you?
Mrs Saudat Salami is CEO of Easyshop Easycook Services Limited. She tweets @lagosshoping
