Motherhood (I had no idea!)
I don’t know about other mothers but I’ve always wanted to be a mum. I have dreamt of packing lunch boxes for my kids since I was ten. The names I gave my kids when I was young are their second names right now. Second because I married a guy from another tribe; I just let that pass. But honestly, I thought it was just about cute children going to the park, fancy clothes, and children being adorably cute. How hard could that be? If you are a new mother and you are like me, you are in for a shock.
It started with being pregnant. I remember the elation I felt when the doctor confirmed I was pregnant. I was so excited. I was going on a trip with my husband and the first thing I thought about was an opportunity to shop. I could buy cute clothes for my baby. I wanted twins, that way; I could kill two birds with a stone. But the first shock was that I didn’t expect to be so sick; I was so sick that all South African food made me want to puke and I was so ready to board the next plane back to Nigeria. The holiday was no holiday after all. Okay, I agree, after I got back to Nigeria and ate some amala and egusi soup, I felt alright and back to normal. But I was in for another rude shock, I didn’t expect to gain 12Kg and look like a balloon. The plan was to look prettier as my bump grew bigger.
But the rudest shock of all; Labour! My! What was all that? It was so much pain, so painful I can’t even remember it or describe it, all to bring the cutest little boy into the world. When my first child Ojonemi was put into my arms, I remember thinking that he looked so much like his father and I loved him despite the fact that I had looked like a balloon and I had been sick and I had been in labour for ten hours. I loved him.
But, other rude shocks were coming; sleepless nights, a crying baby, breastfeeding, sore nipples! Sometimes I just wondered what I had gotten myself into, other times I wanted my old life back with just my husband and I. But when I looked at his cute face that looked just like His dad, I knew I wanted him, pain and all.
You would think that with all the adjustments I had to make, I would have been more careful, well I wasn’t, lack of planning got me pregnant when Nemi was four months. The first pregnancy had brought me laughter, the second one made me cry. Why? You say? I still had 12kg of unwanted weight, was still dealing with low self-esteem and still trying to get a hang of baby no 1. I was so ashamed; I hid the pregnancy for a while until I could not hide it anymore. But this time, I was more careful, I did not eat for two and guess what labour was forty-five minutes and not ten hours.
I quickly realized that every baby is different and baby Fedo was. While Nemi was easy to put to sleep, Fedo kept us awake for hours on end. While Nemi started sleeping through the night before he was four months, Fedo still ate at night till she was well after 1. While Nemi was born with a bundle of hair, Fedo was born almost bald. While Nemi was calm and wouldn’t try the limits, Fedo was constantly testing our limits and constantly being dragged away from electric sockets.
Life as I knew it had changed. I invite you to join me on my journey through motherhood, to see my transition from wife to mother. Take a walk with me as I share the lessons I learnt along the way and also from other people about being a mother and raising children.
Contributed by Sola Adugah
