When parents give an instruction but children don’t want to comply or it’s not convenient for them, sometimes they need to learn to “obey first and then we’ll talk about it.” This emphasises obedience.
If little Brian has pulled a chair over to the counter and is climbing onto it, you may say, “Brian, we don’t climb on chairs.”
“But I was just…”
“No, you need to get down. Obey first and then we’ll talk about it.” Once he gets down, discuss the problem and find a solution together.
“Katy, go get your pajamas on.”
“I don’t want to go to bed.”
“No, obey first and then we’ll talk about it.”
To some parents this may sound like blind obedience. We’ve all heard stories about people who were led into cultish activity because they couldn’t think for themselves. No parent wants a child to fall into a pattern of blindly following a leader’s instructions, but evaluating instructions is an advanced skill.
Many parents have gone too far in the other direction ending up with children who can’t follow simple instructions without a dialogue. Parents sometimes believe they have to talk their child into wanting to obey. Inadvertently, these parents teach their children that if you don’t like a request then that’s enough reason to resist it. These children make poor employees, develop selfish attitudes about following someone else’s leadership, and have a difficult time in relationships because they haven’t learned how to sacrifice their own agenda for others.
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