We all talk about raising confidence girls, but the question sometimes is how do you do his?
While watching the recent Oscars award show, one recipient stood out for me. It was Lupita Nyong’o (just Google her name). She is to me, a true inspiration and embodiment of a girl with dreams. It is true that “the best accessory a girl can wear is her Self-Confidence”.
[Tweet “the best accessory a girl can wear is her Self-Confidence”]
Raising Confident Girls
Your daughters are not born with self-esteem, neither are you! Chances are if you as a mum suffer from poor self-esteem or the lack of it, your daughter(s) may inherit it too. Raising confident girls takes some persistence and focus.
Today’s girls have so many pressures … they want to fit in, achieve, compete for boys, and live up to society’s expectations of what and who she should be. All of this can whittle away at her, especially when she doesn’t feel pretty, popular, talented, socially accepted, or loved at home. Her self-esteem can drop dramatically in school, as well as her grades.
I remember transitioning from Primary school to secondary at the age of 8. As a result of my size, I became known as “the smallest girl in JSS 1b”; because most of my girlfriends were much older. I was constantly teased by how young I was that it really affected me and my grades gladly showed it. As a result, I constantly felt that I did not measure up. I kept thinking, “yea, they are right, I am too young to be in secondary school”. This affected my confidence to the point that I completely forgot how intelligent and smart I was.
All girls need strong guidance, encouragement, and help with discovering their gifts. It is important for all girls to know that they are equal to boys in their ability. As part of raising confident girls, they should not be left to pursue only female-dominated careers.
How to Help Your Daughters
As parents, it is important to reinforce your daughter’s confidence as you begin the process of letting her go. Encourage her to be true to herself and to her origins.
The Foundation
Raising confident girls starts right from her first breath. You should always remind your daughter on a daily basis, through words of affirmation and action, that she is strong, smart, and beautiful. Research confirms that girls with low self-esteem most commonly receive less praise and more criticism from either parent.
Limit Media Access
The messages you work diligently to provide will quickly be challenged if you don’t filter media that blatantly contradicts them. A great deal of television and print media set unrealistic physical standards and portray over-sexualized, disempowered girls and women. Unchecked, it will shape your daughter’s sense of reality, self, and the standard she is expected to meet for acceptance, desirability, and success. When it comes to raising confident girls, the media plays a large part in it. It is essential that you help her to achieve media literacy so even when she’s engaged with it, she will have a more discerning mind and can filter.
Create open lines of communication
Talk to your daughter about everything from what she likes to wear to her hopes and dreams for the future. It is important for you to establish a friendship with her while she is still young. Hormonal shifts that begin the transition into adolescence can begin as early as eight or nine years old.
The further down the adolescent path she is, the more difficult it will become to establish lines of communication. However, when it comes to her confidence these good communication is critical in your efforts to guide and protect her throughout her teen years. The best place to start, if you haven’t already, is by talking with her about her day on the way to school or just before bedtime. [Read: After School Questions Parents Should Ask]
Encourage her to find and use her voice
I always tell the girls I work with to think of their voice as a significant part of their “being” and to know that the more they use it, the stronger it will be. Speaking on behalf of your daughter most or all of the time limits her voice.
Make no subject taboo
From sex to drugs, making any subject off-limits to your daughter (whether stated or implied) will only ensure her journey down a path of shame, ignorance, and ultimately, danger. If she cannot get open, honest, and accurate information from her parents, she will get it from less-educated sources that may leave her misinformed and far less able to protect herself. Raise her to be confident enough to discuss anything with you.
Dad, be aware of the power of your words and actions
The way a father expresses his value and respect for women directly impacts the way his daughter sees herself. In general, this affects the degree of respect and overall value she will expect to receive from boys and men.
Mum, never forget that you are her most important role model
As a mum to a daughter, I constantly work on being my daughter’s role model. It is imperative that we do whatever is necessary to know and understand our value as women. This is a top priority if we have any hope that our daughters will do the same.
Listen to your daughters. You have dreams for her, but she has dreams of her own. Learn to respect them, along with her thoughts, ideas, and feelings even though she will make mistakes along the way. [Tweet “Every child falls and then discovers balance as she learns to walk.”]
Written by Tolu Opanuga (Mrs) Founder Girls Connect Africa http://www.raisingworldchampions.org READ ALSO: 7 Secrets to Raising Productive Teenage Daughters Importance of Social Media Etiquette for Teens
