Diary Adventures of LagosMums: DALM |Â Am I a Scary Mum?
Mummy why are you scary? Was the question my four year old asked me. I was like sorry? what did you say? He said yes you are scary..and he proceeded to emphasise the scary this time and continued by pointing out that I was always snapping. His older sister took this as an invitation to join the conversation and she proceeded to say yes “Mummy calm down”
Now I know I could never have spoken to my parents like this and gotten away with it. So many things were going on in my head at that very moment…Should I smack them for saying this? Should I punish them for speaking to me this way? But then a little voice just said they just called you scary..if you do any of these things you have just confirmed that you are scary.
So i did the next thing that came to my mind and that was to give myself a time out – I asked them to excuse me and i took myself upstairs to my room, sat down and took a deep breath.
Being scary was definitely not something I wanted to be known for. Firm, disciplinarian, loving and so many other adjectives but definitely not scary. Monsters are scary!
This really bothered me for a little while and I wondered if they had a point, so I watched it and realised that it is easy from their point of view why I might appear scary. After a long day at work or out on the streets of Lagos I am more prone to snap as I tackle part two of my day. Already tired and cranky I might snap when they take a little longer on homework than they should, snap when trying to respond to a ping, a tweet, whatsapp or email while they are trying to get my attention at that very same time. Trying to get them to go to bed so I can settle on the laptop to do some “work” and they decide to say goodnight a million times – snap.
So I have decided to make some changes because i definitely do not want to be seen as a scary mum! I am trying to balance my day better and to enjoy the time I am spending with the children. When I am at a meeting I wouldn’t start chatting with my children on the phone, so same thing when I am with the children and we are spending time together that is not the time for me to be multi-tasking by doing a million things.
They haven’t said I am scary again in awhile and I am spending more time with them in a deliberate and uninterrupted manner. After all they didn’t ask that I am busy doing a million things at the same time when all they want is time with their mum.
I thank them for that comment in hindsight because it has made me review how I am responding to them and enabled me to see myself from their eyes.
What have your children said to you that has made you give yourself a “time out”
photo source: scarymommy
