Our LagosMums of the Month series explores discussions with LagosMums on motherhood, marriage, work-life balance among other things. Meet Lami Phillips as she tells us about her life as a mum, opinions on having a child, challenges she has encountered and overcome.
We always learn when we read someone else’s story and they share their experiences with us. Watch this video, and read the post below! Be inspired by this awesome mum.
It is really awesome discovering yourself as a mum. I am of opinion when you do things God’s way, He does exceedingly above all you can ask or think. I’ve always said to people that I never believed having a child was something you just did at will. I feel that having a child and getting married are monumental things and phases in your life that have to be led by God. I believe you have to be prepared. It has to be the right time.
On Waiting To Have Sunshine
Everything has to work into God’s will and plan for your life. That is what we have done with Sunshine (my second daughter). For the longest time, everybody judged silently or asked us how come we have just one child; they made it seem as if it was a curse. I am so grateful for the grace that God gave myself and my husband to stand our ground and do things the way that we believed.
We always felt that we needed to pour ourselves into Bestie (our first daughter) and make sure that when we are having another child, there is a foundation for that one to sit on. We focused on the first child enough so that she is equipped to be the person and woman that she is meant to be. Bestie is really a little woman, she is so wise and so equipped. When God said it was time to have another child it didn’t feel out of place.
Lami Phillips On Culture
Trust me, I know that the culture we come from, people are always telling you what to do at different times. They ask when you will get married because you are a woman. When you have one child they will ask when will you have a male child. There is always that push to do something else.
What makes me laugh is that the people who are telling you what to do are not going to be a part of your life when you get it wrong. As far as I am concerned, you have to stand your ground, you have to do things according to the will of God.
God created me, He knows my frame, He knows my capacity, He knows what I am supposed to do and how. So I lean on Him exceedingly when it comes to those big decisions.
[Tweet “What makes me laugh is that the people who are telling you what to do are not going to be a part of your life when you get it wrong.”]
On Bestie The Big Sister
I am so grateful that we waited because our daughter Bestie is like a little mum, she knows where all the bottles are, she knows how to sterilize, knows how to change a nappy and knows how to do her baby sister’s laundry. I don’t make her do all these things she wants to because she sees Sunshine as her responsibility.
She doesn’t see Sunshine as her competition or just another baby in the house, she understands the importance of being a very good big sister and she is so devoted to it. She actually has it as her prayer point to keep being a better sister to Sunshine.
[Tweet “She actually has it as her prayer point to keep being a better sister to Sunshine.”]
On The Wonder of Child Birth
The whole reason why I made myself transparent during the process is because I need people to understand pregnancy is a purposeful and beautiful thing that should not be taken lightly. It shouldn’t just be oh like, she is pregnant again like it is just another thing. The miracle of birth is such a big deal, we can’t take it for granted. So many people go to the hospital and come out without a baby because something went wrong. Some people get pregnant and have miscarriages – or something goes wrong. Many couples are also believing God for a baby and would do almost anything to have a baby.
On Raising Children
When you find yourself privileged to be a carrier of a child, you actually have to take that seriously and keep asking God, what is the purpose of this child. What do you want me to prophesy into this child? Who is this child supposed to be and how can I guide this child in that direction? That’s me as a mum.
Like I said not everybody has to do it the way I do it, not everybody has to believe in what I believe. It’s my way, and it might not work for everybody. However, anybody who knows me knows that I take being a mum very seriously. I am asking God for the grace to just be better, at being a wife, mum, and human being.
And as I move into the phase of #LivingLami, which is a new hashtag, I am trying as much as possible to also be transparent.
Managing the Challenges
There are days when it is not easy. Sometimes I lack sleep, and there is no help, there are days when breastfeeding is very challenging, and I am like why didn’t I just do formula? But then I remember that I did one-year breast milk with Bestie. Sometimes your hormones are all over the place. You feel gloomy and this could be where post-natal depression slips in. To avoid staying gloomy, you have to pray yourself up and talk to someone about how you feel.
I know it’s not always easy. I am not trying to make it easy, that’s why I am trying to be transparent, and say that I am a human being as well. We all go through different challenges, and I am here. I am being transparent so that you don’t feel like whatever you are going through is not valid. We women go through so much, and I think that we downplay it, we make it look so simple, that it is taken for granted.
[Tweet “Women downplay all the things that they go through”]
On Being Real
I am being transparent so that husbands, sisters, mothers and whoever else, would begin to talk about these things. We need to begin to validate ourselves and tell each other the truth. Many times we go through struggles that we don’t share; so the people who go through them think that they are weird or that something is wrong with them, and so they keep it to themselves.
By being transparent, my mum has shared things with me that she never did before, shared some of her challenges as a mum. Other people have sent emails, messages on Facebook, and direct messages. Simple questions like “if I don’t feel comfortable with somebody carrying my baby what do I do”? I fall asleep on my baby, and other questions and they are asking “what do I do’?
We need to start to empower each other and share with each other, as women, as mothers, and as sisters. To say it’s okay you know, you are not weird, we are just women, and it’s not always so easy.
We hope you enjoyed reading that, as much as we did. Lami Phillips is a true super mum and very transparent about her experiences. Thank you for sharing with LagosMums. [Read: Other Mums of the Month]
Follow her on Instagram @LamiPhillipsWorld
Know someone who deserves to be an LM Mum of the Month? Send us a mail and we will take it up from there.