“Dear husband, I. Need. More. Help”
Most Mums around the world happen to have husbands who are not hands-on Dads. Sometimes, it’s not because Dads are wicked or oblivious, it’s just because we put up this front that shows we’ve got it all under control and they have nothing to worry about.
There’s so much work to be done, especially for Mums trying to find a work-life balance. Along with new parental duties, there’s house work,trying to be a successful businesswoman, a loving wife and a good friend with little or no help from their partners. The content of Celeste Erlach’s open letter resonates with so many mums and that is why it has gone viral.
Tired of doing so much without any help and also feeling guilty for how she feels, she asks her husband for more help telling him in clear details how overwhelming it all is, hoping, finally, he would realise that parenting is a job for two.
“I wanted to scream at you, I wanted to launch an epic fight that very moment. I had been watching the baby and the toddler all damn day. Was going to be waking up with the baby to feed him all damn night. The least you could do is hold him for a couple of hours in the evening so I can attempt to sleep.”. This was her reaction after their new born baby was crying and her husband couldn’t tend to him for a while just so she could sleep a little.
What she needs is much more than A little bit more sleep, it’s a helping hand all through the week. She needs her husband to help out with their toddler in the mornings. At night, she needs a single hour to herself to decompress without having to care for either child. On the weekends, she needs some time on her own to feel like a person instead of just a parent.
[How to achieve Mum life balance]
She stresses the importance of self-care and needing time to herself to gather her thoughts, she told him he needs to appreciate all she does and want to help her out, as any husband and father should.
She also explains that even having to ask for this kind of help makes her feel like a failure.
Celeste told Metro.co.uk about the final straw which made her write the letter, and how her husband reacted to it all. ‘I think the first time a mum asks for help is a significant milestone,’ she explained.
‘For me, this was the first time I even asked because before then, I was determined to do it all and be the super mum I was perceived to be. Asking for help felt like admitting defeat and it wasn’t until I was at wit’s end, that I could even express I’d reached my breaking point.
‘When I asked my husband for help, he was eager to assist! He didn’t know how much pressure I had put on myself because I tried to make it look easy. Nothing about parenting is easy. Looking back, I kick myself for not asking for help sooner.
‘Since the letter, my husband notices the little things I do more and more. He sees what goes into being a mum and he expresses more gratitude. I hope that this letter helps other mums express their thoughts and struggles. And I hope dads read it and have a better understanding of all the things mums do behind the scenes. Both big and small.’
In another facebook post, she goes on to clarify that she wrote the letter a while ago. Afterwards, she decided to talk to her husband first. After hearing her out, he confessed that he needed “more communication, more trust, and more bonding time with the new baby. And more alone time with me”
“Can you believe it? We were new parents so focused on just getting through the day that we had no idea what the other was thinking… What our partner needed… It was eye-opening. Enlightening. It was a beautiful moment of marital connection that feels so rare in the early weeks and months after a baby is born”
After making a lot of changes and adjustments, she noticed that things had taken a new turn and they couldn’t be happier.
“I decided to publish this letter after we had settled into our new routine. I believed it would help other women speak their truths. Also, I hoped it would serve as a catalyst for change for women who are struggling; breaking like I was”
In her husband’s defence she says most dads don’t know what to do when there’s a new baby “They’re not sure where the mom’s job ends and the dad’s job begins. And if we don’t talk about it openly, maybe they’ll never know. What I’m trying to say is Talk to your Partner. Tell them you need more help. Chances are, they’re eager to up their game”
Women are strong indeed, however, it’s okay to ask for help once in a while. Don’t wait until you’re at your breaking point before you voice out. Parenting is not supposed to be a gruesome task, it’s a labour of love; a job for two.
