If you live in Nigeria, whether you are a mum or not, I’m sure you have heard of nannies. I’m certain that most of the stories you have heard are not nice ones. In our part of the world, so much has gone on with helps, nannies, houseboys, house girls, in fact, domestic help in general.
I have had some people say because of what they’ve heard; they never want to get nannies. I’ve heard people with bad experiences make up their minds to live without them; after all, those in the western world have survived thus far.
If we had all the time, we could go on and on. I’ve met people who have been really nice to their domestic help and were still badly treated badly by them. I’ve seen people become aloof and distant to domestic help because of the various bad experiences they’ve had.
I come from a different point of view. I understand that there are bad domestic help; I also understand there are good ones. Like my husband would say, they are the way they are because of their background. What do you really expect from someone who has lived in abject poverty all her life, who has probably always been talked down at, someone who hasn’t been taught how to do things properly and who has probably never received any real kindness in life? The facts don’t add up right? I’m not justifying their actions; I’m just trying to lower my expectations.
This is my philosophy. Whoever you hire as a helper in your house has direct influence on your children. No matter how hard you try, you can’t be with your children all the time. I have also realized that I need help to be truly efficient. I need help with the little things so I can give my children the care and attention they need. I don’t t want to be so occupied doing the little things that I end up being too tired to love, care, nurture or discipline my children. I’ve seen mothers who are so swamped because they are trying to do everything themselves. I tell them it’s okay to get some help.
I discovered on time that I needed to learn to pray for whoever it was that would enter my home because too much was at stake. I didn’t have time for pettiness. I just wanted someone who would come in to help and do a good job. I also wanted someone that I could help turn her life around. Because I’m of the opinion that if the domestic help you have doesn’t see hope of her life getting better beyond your four walls, she would always look for a means of escape.
So where do we start from? Pray. Ask God to send the right person to your home; someone who is teachable, who has a good heart, fears God and loves children. There’s no use asking someone to help out with your children who is not children friendly, that’s like torture. So pray. Why do we think that we should pray for only the seemingly big things? God is involved in the little areas of our life and believe me, this aspect is not little.
Secondly, purpose in your heart to be a blessing to this person God will provide you with. I always tell my helps that God brought us together to bless each other. They are here to bless me and I to bless them. Be genuinely interested in these helps. Ask them what they want from life; ask them how you can help them achieve these goals. Pray for them; treat them like part of your home. Treat them well. Train them for life. Let them realize that their time in your home is a training ground.
I have found out that if you are genuinely interested in these nannies, they will be interested in your affairs. For instance, we moved into a new neighborhood, and our power rates were a lot higher than our previous neighborhood. When my husband and I went to work, without being told, my children’s nanny would turn off the power from the source to reduce the power being consumed and to save me money. I’ve seen my nannies take my children’s affairs seriously, as if they were their siblings. I’ve seen them defend them and fight for them.
Am I saying that there are no bad instances? No, but that’s what prayer does. It helps you chart a path until you reach the right nanny for your children. Someone I respect so much said; if the wrong person comes into your house, God will help you find out and no harm will come to your children.
As mothers, we need help from time to time. Sometimes, we want to spend time with our husbands alone, sometimes you want “me” time. Nannies are God’s tool for grace through motherhood, if you find the right ones.
When you have a good support system at home, your heart is at rest and you can definitely function better. Sometimes we go out to change people’s lives for the better and forget those under our own roofs. Why don’t you start from your household today?
Contributed by Sola Agudah
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