Titi looks out the window, how she loves the serenity of just looking out and watching the raindrops fall, it makes one forget all the To-do’s that come with this busy adult life. Being a Doctor, and mother of 4, though her husband feels like another child, she struggles to find time for everyone and herself.
She glanced and saw Toro her first child and daughter, her baby girl, going around the house much too moody (even for her usual distant self). She cannot believe how much her baby has grown. It seems she grew up so fast and went from being her best friend to being just her housemate. Where and how did she miss it? She sure has been acting a little too strange lately. Titi made a mental note to create time to talk to her daughter who now seems like a stranger, to find out whats going on with her. How did she become so busy she wondered? Her phone range snapping her out of her thoughts, it was the hospital, so she picked.
The next morning as the car came to a stop. Her driver asked “Ma, should I go immediately to Mr. Jotan’s place?”. She had totally forgotten that conversation she had with him just the night before. “Oh! Yes please, thank you Abu” she said as she stepped out of the car, and gave him one or two instructions. Honestly thank God for her driver Abu who had morphed into a trusty personal assistant.
Her mind rushed through some of the patients she would attend to this morning. Phew! She felt tired already thinking about it all. But then that one thought that makes her heart ache popped into her mind, and that is having a one-on-one conversation with her daughter. She just hoped she was not drop down dead tired as she seems to be lately everyday.
She would need to find a way to talk to her mum soonest; Toro thought, she couldn’t believe how the situation has gotten so out of hand. She just wondered if her mum cared about spending anytime with her at all. She cannot remember the last time she was able to talk to her mum about anything, the reality is that she misses her mum she thought. She knows she wouldn’t have gotten herself into this mess if she had at least one of her parents available! and the anger at them returned.
She determined she would stay up late and wait for her mum today – she must speak to her before the situation goes absolutely crazy. Toro shook her head wondering how she found herself in this mess.
The Real Issue
Like Titi, most Mums are way too busy for their children. Then suddenly they see that time has gone and their babies have become real adults, facing adult problems and have become strangers.
There are few gifts as precious as the gift of being present for our children. Parents mean well but don’t seem to know how this wide gap comes between them. Good parenting requires mindful parenting. We all know what those moments of mindful connection feel like; immersed in the present and fully experiencing the relationship where we revel in the love for our children. It’s easier to remain mindful when we are doing something fun and interesting together; it’s much harder when someone (or everyone!) is feeling angry, frustrated, Overwhelmed or bored. Yet that’s precisely when our children need to know that we love them, and that we value our relationship with them.
So mums are you guilty of this? Too Busy for your Children, and making excuses for yourself by thinking “shebi it is them I am labouring for?” [Read: How busy Mums stay organised]
So that you do not find yourself looking at a stranger and struggling to have a conversation with your child, make the time now to spend time together. It is not about the quantity of time, but the quality of time.
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How do you make time for your children? How do you balance the work life struggle and make sure that you are a mindful parent, who is present and available.