I saw the above picture on someone’s Facebook status and it struck me. You would think it was the glaring statement that caught my attention. Nope. It’s the little side note on the bottom left “It all starts with you” that got me thinking about being the best version of you.
Marriage is many things but also not “everything”. Marriage is a union, an intentional arrangement, a celebration of love. It is not a solution, a hideaway, a competition, or a status symbol.
In my opinion and experience the most important person in a marriage is you (well apart from God but that is a personal conviction). Only YOU can know how you feel, what you are thinking, what you want, what you would like to change. Only you will know how your environment and life experiences have shaped you into who you are today. You are extremely unique, the exact set of events can happen to different people and it will have a different impact on each person.
Have you ever noticed when speaking with a group of friends that you might all be saying the same thing but in different ways? Or that you all react to the same situation differently? That is because everyone is wired differently. Some people are more alike than others but no two people are the same, not even twins and definitely not a husband and wife.
So what does this mean? It means the only person you have control over is you. So before looking for Mr or Mrs Right you have to be right with yourself. Oh how we hate dealing with our own “baggage’. It is so much easier to point to the speck in your spouse’s eye rather than to sit and reflect on you. We hide and become “know-it-all’s” about everyone else but never take that same approach with ourselves.
Perhaps then it is no wonder that broken marriages are on the rise.
I hear people saying “but he doesn’t listen” “her personality is too strong” “things would be better if he/she just…” The list goes on. How about we take a minute to flip things around and see things from another angle.
I will start with the first one “he doesn’t listen.” Perhaps rather we should consider if you are talking at the right time? Or using the right tone? what is the motive of the conversation, have you taken the time to sense what mood he is in? Is your mind filled with assumptions and all made up before you even start your conversation?
Imagine if we thought this hard EVERY TIME before we start a conversation? I started doing this and it’s been like a light bulb went off in my head. Half the time I crush the conversation before it even starts (it would not have gone anywhere) and the other times I have clarity on why I am having the conversation in the first place.
Life would be happier if everyone took responsibility for themselves. The more time you spend on and with yourself the faster a better you will emerge.
Change begins with you. If you want a “perfect marriage” your actual goal is to become a perfect person. Once you realize that is not realistic – there is no perfect person! Your focus can shift to being the best version of you, you can be and more importantly being the person God has ordained you to be.
Contributed by Tomilayo