by Tracy Nneka Osokolo
Tracy Nneka Osokolo is the author of “Red Pepper and English Tea” – ANBUKRAFT Award Winner for Best New Fiction. She was a Resident Writer at the London 2012 Olympics Festival at the Southbank Centre.
Hoping that it wouldn’t come too soon, I’m now experiencing that section of the rules book we were given at our Marriage counselling Class – the decision factor. Growing up, I always thought that it was easy for our parents to do things like pay school fees, buy food, buy toys and make sure that we were driven everywhere in a car instead of taking public transport or walking around town like most Lagos children. It just seemed that adults had a place where they went every day at 8am to consult with a goddess of money, and by evening time at 8pm, this goddess would give them the money they needed for everything. At some point, I even got it into my head that both my parents had a money tree from which they went to harvest naira every morning, when they dropped me off at school. On many occasions I would throw a tantrum and scream-cry when I was stubborn enough to follow them to harvest this naira. I just thought school was too boring so it meant that the adults had more fun at this place they called the ‘office’.
Now that I’ve come to understand the conspiracy of white-collar employment or any employment of sort in Lagos, I’m seriously thinking of ways to protect Fi from hurt and any disappointments that may lie within her Career. I know she needs them to be an all-rounded woman of substance, but I don’t know how and if she might recover from the professional attacks that will come from allies and foes along the way to the top. To make Fi’s journey smoother than ours, her father and I have decided that she would go to the best schools and engage in as many extracurricular activities as we can find. Hopefully, these will give her more options at a better life than we had. I guess we chose to do this because we want her to be the best in a fiercely competitive world, but most importantly because we’d like to see her become everything that we couldn’t be therefore, making us proud amongst our friends and extended family.
I didn’t quite understand the pride that a child brought to her parents as a result of any fundamental success until I was getting married. For some reason, it was not my event… my parents particularly gloated and basked in the smiles of the day – I had done them proud and now I understand how!
Corona in Apapa GRA is one of the best schools around us, and our best choice too, since we wouldn’t want Fi to endure the gruelling traffic between the Island and the Mainland. Everyone who lives in Lagos knows that over 90% of the best schools are across the 3rd Mainland Bridge. Fi started her educational journey in Corona and in addition to what she learns at school, we make sure she gets coaching in Playing the Piano and Violin, Dancing Ballet and Salsa, Athletics, Swimming, Capoeira and Taekwondo. When she is not doing any of those, I personally coach her in Reading, Writing and even Singing as a way to develop her voice and demeanour during Public Speaking drills at School. We’ve dreamt big for Fi, but our pockets don’t seem to dream at the same pace.
I can see that she has developed so much since her first year at School, but I’m in a constant debate with her father on whether to continue with the School fees for her second year or buy a Cake Processing Industrial Machine for the Bakery. Arguments, arguments and more arguments! Dinner seems to be eaten cold these days because we spend so much time analysing the best step to take. We know it’s wise to invest in our business, which is the future to solving all our financial problems. But investing in Fiona is key too because she will only be 4 years old once in her life time and we need to get her foundation right. Fiona’s Dad and I seem to be sitting on the fence in this matter.
I definitely feel like I am standing in-between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea. Sadly, there is no all-knowing Babalawo that we can visit or Pastor who can see into the future and tell us what to do right now. The total on Fiona’s Second year education at Corona is equivalent to the amount needed to import new Processing Equipment at our Bakery, from China. This morning, after I dropped Fi at school, I sat in my Study. I was going to write. I couldn’t. I was stroking the shiny piece of metal on my left hand. I stared at the glitter above the sloping metal as it hugged my fourth finger.
I remembered Oxford Street. I remembered that hot afternoon at J. H Samuel Jewellers in London. I remembered the over-weight, over-made-up Black British lady who attended to me when I walked in. I’m sure I looked too small or too thin to be a bride, when I asked for a ring. I’m also sure she didn’t know that I had £5000 to give her. She joked that the wedding ring is the smallest handcuff ever invented. I didn’t laugh with her because I thought otherwise. Now, I’m inclined to agree that it is a bond. But it’s also a bond to consistent sacrifices and unending compromises until ‘Death Do You Part’.
The diamond ring was small, thin enough to fit into my slender finger and except one looked closely; you wouldn’t notice its glitter. When you did notice, you might not understand why something so small has to cost so much. She scoffed when I asked her to show me that small ring as I ignored the big stones she shoved my way. I wore it and smiled because I didn’t want to flaunt my wedding; I wanted to relish my happiness instead.
I held my gaze at my diamond ring without blinking. I stood up and close the door behind my Study. I didn’t take my ipad for that drive. I just needed only my diamond ring and the car key. It should be enough to give my daughter her second year education and my husband’s bakery a facelift.
