Time for family

DALM | Our Mums Dont Spend Time With Us

Diary Adventures of LagosMums: DALM | Our Mums Don’t Spend Time with Us

The other day I was in more of a playful mood than usual – it was just one of those highly positive days. I guess it was rather obvious because mini-me then used that as an opportunity to get a request in. She said “Mummy since you are in such a good mood…..”

I dealt with what she asked me for, but my mind latched on to the prefix “mummy since you are in such a good mood..“. Time for family

I didn’t realize that the way I was feeling that day was radiating out and she could sense it. So I asked her how she knew I was in a good mood. To which she answered by saying “oh! you are spending time with us, playing with us and you are smiling”. In my mind of course I think I spend a lot of time with them so was quite surprised.

She went on to say that alot of her friends say the same thing that their mums do not spend time with them. She started reeling off her classmates who have said the same thing. What I realized was that the people she mentioned mostly had mums who have their own hours, either because they were working for themselves or have flexible hours. Many times people embark on such flexible roles and working for self because one of the benefits is to have “more” time for their children and families.

A little confused (and feeling I must defend the other mums) I said but you know when we don’t spend all the time with you it is because we are working, trying to make money to buy you nice things, send you to school and do other things. She was like “yes…but when you do have time to spend with us you should put your phone on silent, put it away and really spend time with us”. She said you are always answering a call, or writing an email, or checking whatsapp/bb/twitter.

Could it be? Our children are growing up to see our phones and devices with a love-hate lense. They see it as something that intrudes into what should be their quality time with their mum and dad.

Hmm…..Right on the head…..spot on….problem solved….Allaboutsolutions

mum with phoneThat is it in a nutshell! she is intelligent and understands the relationship between working and our need to earn. However in her view when we are supposed to be spending time with them, then we should really spend time together. I asked her how her dad was doing and she said well “he is improving”.

When he got home we both put our phones away and ended up really talking and doing what they wanted to do during that time – this particular night they wanted to do some exercise together. They even suggested a timetable for me – spend time with them when they get back from school, maybe for an hour and then spend time with them again when it is time for bed – use it to exercise and read a story to them.

Quantity of time and quality of time spent with our children are very different things. Mindful parenting is a journey and always under construction because we are always learning. So to all the parents out there our children want us to spend quality time with them, when we are with them let it count! Put away the distractions and truly connect.

This just reminds me to take my advise check with our children and review how we are doing in our parenting – according to them. If we listen to them we can improve and pick up things we might need to do differently.


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