Judging, pointing fingers and parent shaming why do we do this? Over the last few days, there has been the unfortunate story of the young man who appears to have suffered from a mental illness and harmed his mother. The news of this young man who allegedly killed his mother is alarming, shocking, sad and downright unbelievable.
As sad as this situation is, what is even sadder are some of the comments I have seen online as people share their opinions on what they imagined transpired. It is so easy to get on a keyboard and type whatever you feel like without thinking that there are people, real people behind these situations. There are innocent victims whose lives have been changed by this tragedy.
Judging Hurts
This week around the world is anti-bullying and I have been speaking in a few schools about this topic with the angle specifically on online safety.
The mean comments online from people on this matter to me seems like cyberbullying. Maybe harsh but if your comments make someone else feel horrible then you should check yourself before you type and hit send.
Anyone can judge and jump to conclusions. The truth is that it is a sign of maturity to hold your thoughts. In addition, if you are going to make a comment then allow room for the fact that you do not know all the facts.
On this matter, I have seen comments suggesting the Mum was a single mum and that the Mum was probably trying to be a strong black woman and kicked her husband out. Others commented that the parents were all about work and so did not have time for the family.
Opinions and Comments
This comment below summed up a lot of what I thought as I read some of these comments.
“If any of you here know the family this boy came from you wouldn’t say any of these things. he grew up in a loving, stable, Christian, two-parent home. He is smart, respectful, social, and motivated. God knows what happened to him in such a short time. He is the type of son you would be proud to say was your child. Clearly, something caused him to snap…The devil is a liar. The comments here are so cruel. I know Linda will not delete this post….but if you know what this family is going through now you will take down this post. Two lives are gone because a loving and wonderful mother is dead and this boys life will never be the same. Be sensitive to mental issues ….and don’t judge anyone…This kid lacked for nothing…he was close to his dad and mum.and siblings”….(comment from lindaikeji)
It is painful enough for the people who are affected by such a tragedy. No one can know what they are going through and no one knows what really happened. It is clear however that the son appears to have had some mental health challenges and something snapped. He is allegedly recorded as saying he guesses he must have committed the crime; almost as if he did not really know what he did. Something went very wrong.
Can we all just pause before we type insensitive comments online and share? I talk to young children all the time and teach them to pause before they comment or share online. Think about what you are posting, who you are posting it to and how it will make the person reading it feel.
[Tweet “See it is easy to have your preconceived notions and biases about anything and anyone. They are your thoughts. However, when you decide to share it you have to be responsible with what you share.”]
Should Mean Comments Be Taken Down
Other commenters attacked people who suggested that the hurtful comments should not be taken down. They argue that a horrible crime has been committed and should not be covered up. No one is asking for it to be covered up. However, mean hurtful comments that have nothing to do with the facts of the crime; should be taken down.
Perhaps when people who control these platforms start to slam trolls and mean comments, there might be more consideration before people share their comments online. There is a difference between an opinion and shaming people who do not deserve it. Companies like Instagram have started instituting an anti-bully system to block comments and actions from bullies.
Let us all just keep this in mind, if you don’t have anything nice to say; you don’t have to say anything. Before you make a pronouncement or are so certain about your opinion – just pause and think; it is possible that you do not know everything. Mum shaming does not help anyone, all in the name of freedom of thoughts.
People close to the family, have debunked the false claims. It was not a broken home, the parents were together and they were a prayerful family. These parents appeared to have done everything they could, but somehow this horrible tragedy happened.
I pray for the family at this time, may they find the healing that only God can provide as they seek answers. Amen
