For some time after I had children, I seemed lost, dreams and all. Not at loss with what to do with the children but at loss with who I was. My life just seemed to rotate around the children and I just couldn’t find myself. Who was I? Was I just a mother? Was there more to life than just taking care of children?
After my maternity leave, I went back to work, but even that wasn’t all that. It just felt like there was something I was supposed to be doing that I wasn’t. Things were just so different. I felt out of sorts. My clothes didn’t fit. I didn’t know what I wanted out of life.
Now, please don’t get me wrong, being a mother is a blessing which I don’t take for granted. I wouldn’t trade it for anything, but for me, a part of me was crying for recognition. It seemed like a part of me was crying out to be let out of where I was hidden.
I realized that I needed to find myself again. Sometime in between doing motherly duties, I had buried my own dreams. What am I saying? You can be a fantastic mother and still accomplish those dreams you have in you.
There’s always a time in a life of a mother that is all about your children. There’s a time when they need your undivided attention and you have to put all things on hold to meet that need. That period of your life is when bonding is built and stamped. That time of your life is when you live an indelible mark in the life of your child as the mother that brought him to earth. That time of your life is demanding but rewarding. It’s a phase when it seems like you have no life and you have lost a sense of who you are.
But gradually, the children begin to grow. They begin school and you get a few hours of your own time. They gradually begin to develop a routine and you begin to realize that a phase is over and another one is about to start.
Children are no excuse for us not to be the best that we were created to be. I hear stories of women who only lived for their children. They had no life of their own; all they did was for and through their children. Then one day, the children grow up and leave home and are off to start their own lives. These mothers seem to have nothing else to live for. Most times they make up for it by interfering in their children’s lives.
Being a mother is part of who you are and not all you are. When you were younger, you had dreams, ambitions, things you wanted to do and an impact you wanted to make in the world. I’m not just talking about a job. The concept of life’s purpose is bigger than a job. Don’t let those dreams in you die. It’s your responsibility to make sure that those dreams see the light of day.
You are an individual made by God to accomplish something here on earth. Children, I believe are a tool to help you achieve this. So my sisters, it’ time to dream again. It’s time to rest your head and think of how you can contribute to this world we live in. It’s time to stop thinking of only yourself and your family but also how you can make an impact in the world we live in.
You know what those dreams are. God put them in you and only He can help you balance all that life throws your way. He can help you create a balance so that your children and family don’t suffer. He will let you know what to do at every point in time.
I had two hectic years. I had my children one after the other. So I was pregnant for two consecutive Christmases and I ended up staying in the mother’s corner in church for two consecutive years. When my daughter was old enough to go to Sunday school, sitting as part of the congregation without children was a bit odd. I was restless. I kept on fighting the urge to just do something. Finally, I had to tell myself; “Sola, a new season has started. Enjoy it.”
I made up my mind to. I found that my time of hibernating was over. It was time to come out of my shell and do those things that I’d always felt it was my call to do. I started to dream again.
Dreaming came in bits. I was so wound up so many times because I was just used to being busy and sorting things out. But I consciously learnt to take breaks, slow down and dream again.
I can tell you it’s been an interesting journey; digging up old dreams, dreaming new ones, trying my hands out on different stuff and making up my mind to succeed. Most importantly, being able to juggle everything together by God’s help.
One more thing, when you stay true to your dreams and who you are, you become a better role model for your children. You make them realize that; “If mummy could make such an impact, and still raise us, then the sky is just the beginning.
Mummies, it’s time to dream again!
Contributed by Sola Agudah.
Also read Mums Is Self-Care Selfish or Necessary?