Do you know that what can be termed as “bad parenting” is simply a result of the lack of mindful parenting. The way your child turns out is really a reflection of how the child is raised, the values and characteristics that were developed and the examples learnt from home. Is it really that simple though? In reality sometimes parents are not aware that their parenting style will not bring out the best in their child. Read on to find out how to be the most effective parent possible.
Bad Parenting Culprit #1: Lack of Attention
Children need attention and they feel loved when parents tell and show them that they are loved. Some African parents believe being soft, available and tender with your child, could be associated with weakness. This is a very wrong mindset as a child learns to be confident first from love shown at home – share a hug everyday.
2.Bad Parenting Culprit #2: Over-reacting
Everyone makes mistakes, so when you over-react to mistakes that your child makes you close the door to communication. A better reaction is to take the situation as it comes and calmly explain and speak them through the situation. If discipline is required, do so but leave the drama out of it and do not keep referring to it next time – case closed.
3. Bad Parenting Culprit #3: Lack of Encouragement
Parents need to empower their children and build their self-esteem by encouraging them. Telling children what to do and how to do it without giving them the chance to become independent can lead to a child who has low self esteem. When a child feels they cannot do anything without hearing from you first, they might not be able to think independently and become dependent on parents for every decision. [Read: Telling your child they are Beautiful]
4. Bad Parenting Culprit #4: Public Display of Discipline
When a child is publicly humiliated under the pretex of discipline by a parent, principal, teachers, older ones etc the child might become demoralised and have emotional scars. Discipline is necessary yes and should be used to correct but not to humiliate and demean.
5. Bad Parenting Culprit #5: Lack of a Voice
Some parents enforce their choices on their children in an obtrusive way. Making your child choose what they want when appropriate helps his/her decision making skills.
6. Bad Parenting Culprit #6: Helicopter Parenting
Most parents fail to build diplomacy skills, leadership skills and self dependent skills in their children. If helped too readily children may fail to manage situations properly when faced with real life problems. Encourage them to stand up for themselves and to deal with unpleasant situations – do not over protect them or run to their aid and make excuses for them every time.
7. Bad Parenting Culprit #7: Jealousy
A child who is consistently compared to other children, or their siblings can become jealous and feel inadequate. Every child is unique and an indvidual, as referred to above learn to encourage each child to be their best by trying their best. Encourage effort.
8. Bad Parenting Culprit #8: No Anger Management
This situation depends on the personality of the parents and child somewhat, but a child who is empowered to be angry by getting attention when they throw tantrums will continue to get angry to get attention. Focus on praising them when they are well behaved.
9. Bad Parenting Culprit #9: Lack of Respect
An environment where open communication and expression of feelings is not fostered, children will have no regard and respect for the feeling of others. The child not encouraged to communicate, in most cases lacks the mental, psychological, emotional and physical ability to love others in return. Everyone in the family should have their feelings respected and be taught the right way to express themselves.
10. Bad Parenting Culprit #10: Being Secretive
If you blow everything out of proportion and are known to go over the top, or scream whenever you are told something you do not like, your child will start to keep secrets to avoid you screaming at him – simple.
11. Bad Parenting Culprit #11: Rude Behaviour
There is a word in psychology called ‘Tabularasa’ meaning clean slate. A child’s behaviour and core character is developed by his or her immediate environment. They tend to learn from those they look up to or spend the most time with and these are parents, siblings, domestic staff and others they see regularly. So how do you relate with your spouse, domestic staff and your children? They are learning from what those around them do. Also watch the domestic staff you have who care for your children – is the nanny always shouting or threatening the children? A child is a sponge and is picking all this up.
So start from the home and see what the atmosphere in the house is truly teaching your child before you blame outside influences.