Diary Adventures of LagosMums: DALM | Mums Here is Why You Need to Spend Time Without Kids
At a conference last year, a mobile spa was offering complimentary hand and feet massages. A few women met at the booth and started talking. Of course, the conversation covered work-life balance, career, stay at home, business etc.
We got to talking about which was better being a stay at home mum or a working mum. And the conclusion is that there is no better or worse…what is important is that you do what works for you.
One of the mums shared that she was happy to be back at work after taking time off to be a stay home mum. Her husband was actually the one who
begged encouraged her to go back to work. He was worried she was losing it! How?
CBeebies The Final Straw
The ex-SAHM got us all laughing by sharing that one day, her husband came home late at night only to find her watching CBeebies on TV. The kids had since gone to bed, but she had continued to watch the show because she wanted to find out how it would end. The issue was that she was not passively watching it, she was very engrossed in it. After welcoming him, she proceeded to share all the details of the children’s program on CBeebies. As you can imagine, her husband had an ooh ooh look on his face! Watching CBeebies for fun??
During her time as a SAHM, she also shared that she didn’t like to go out or do school runs. This was because she didn’t like having to answer the other mums’ who asked her what she was up to. She used to feel funny when she answered, oh she is just a mum.
Long story short, she was very happy to have returned to work and the career she loved. Of course some mums in jobs they would rather leave were very envious at the idea of being a stay at home mum.
We have talked about this before and might talk about it forever, the Mummy guilt. You know that idea that the other side of the grass is greener. The working mum envies the stay at home mum, the stay at home mum envies the working mum and for many different reasons. [Read: How to Slay the Mummy Guilt]
One thing we all agreed on is the importance of spending time without the kids. No, it does not mean that you do not love your children. In reality, it is okay to get some alone time, focus on yourself and do something that you find enjoyable.
There is a place for a good massage, laughter and adult conversations. Also, be sure to make it a habit to leave social media and replace it with real social interaction. See you might not have seen someone for a whole year in the same city, but because you hangout out on social media you think you have been in touch. Others feel lonely on their birthdays because all they get are shoutouts on social media, but no phone call from friends or visits.
Whatever your hobby is find time to do it. It can be anything, as long as it is something you enjoy, that makes you laugh, relaxes you and puts you in a good mood. On a recent instalive with Yetunde Shorters, she shared that she spends 20mins a day just to think. She said many of us do not do this and underestimate the benefit of sitting down to think and be quiet; you can call it meditation. She promises that it makes such a difference. [Read: Yetunde Shorter’s Mum of the Month Feature]
Another mum with older children, whose youngest is in secondary school mentioned that she used to lock herself in the bathroom just to get some time to herself.
So while we love our children immensely, there is nothing wrong with realizing that you need to spend some time without the kids. You will be happier and so will everyone else around you.