Earlier this year there were a a few cases of suicide that have made it to the news here in Nigeria and across the world. No matter what a person goes through, suicide is never an option. Knowledge of the signs to look out for is very key in helping to save someone.
There have been a range of reasons in the recent cases of suicide. These have ranged from documented cases of mental health challenges, depression, feeling of hopelessness and in another case no obvious signs.
All the recent reported cases have been young people, children in their teens. One of the cases was reported as a young lady who committed suicide because she did not pass her JAMB results and decided to take her life as a result of the disappointment. In another case the child had allegedly hinted and talked about committing suicide in the past. But no one really ever taught it would happen.
It is one of the worst news that anyone can get.
Suicide is never an option.
According to Dr Excel Adeleye, a counsellor and coach “suicide is an effect of something psychological or a mental dysfunction in a person. This is what makes a person conclude that he/she has no ability to be hopeful for a desired future”. He also shares with us some reasons why children might commit suicide.
Some Factors That Encourage Thoughts of Suicide
1. Parent(s) depressive state:
There is a transmission of depression emotionally or psychologically to a child when a parent who is yet to receive treatment for a mental or physical sickness tries to nurture a child. The parent will unconsciously infuse his/her distressing state in treating or attending to the child. For example, a depressed parent might handle the wrong behavior of a child through hard or harsh punishment.
2. Social Media influences:
We need to accept the reality social media and the internet has become a more accessible medium to connect and create an image. With regards to the children, social media is a potent instrument that is influencing them. The heavy use of this leads to baggage, many times more than the child can handle. They meet and connect with different people and can easily develop involvements in negative vices, not known to their parents.
There are several sources on the internet that encourage the thought of suicide and sadly, some children even deliberately record a live video of the suicide act. Our concern should now be about how much the suicide act is increasing among children to the point that they make it public.
3. Behavioral/attitude disorder:
The insistence on good manners and discipline is absent from many of the parenting styles exhibited today. As a result some children become agitated when required to obey their parents or follow instruction. For such children they may become angry and rebel. For a child who is already nursing unhealthy thoughts, the pressure of discipline to the psychic of the child with a behavioural disorder might result in the consideration of extreme moves such as suicide.
4. Self Esteem crisis:
The crisis of low self esteem is one of the most common agitations that happens to the psychic of a young child. This is caused by the pressure of societal norms that prizes materialism and manifests in desire for designer clothes, latest gadgets or phone which a child feels he must have to feel important or relevant among friends.
Unfortunately, parents could be the source that encourages and creates an environment that adds to the low self-esteem of their wards. The internal struggle of a parent who hasn’t dealt with his/her inner struggles from childhood or as an adult transfers on to the child.
5. Sexual abuse or emotional abuse:
Many researches and statistics over the years have proven that an emotionally abused child is more likely to grow up as an unhealthy mental adult which disrupts their well-being as adults. It is therefore critical for a child who has been sexually molested or emotionally battered to seek a professional’s help to prevent the thought of suicide and avoid depression.
Suicide is preventable and one of the ways to save someone who is at risk is to recognise the signs that someone is slipping into depression or having suicidal thoughts. This is not the time to focus solely on casting out demons, but realising when a young person needs help and know how to get them the help they need.
1. Never Dismiss What They Talk About.
People who take their lives don’t want to die, but rather want to end their pain. They generally feel at the end of their rope and do not see a way out, so they want to take what they think will cure their hopelessness. Never dismiss the talk of suicide as just threats. They might talk openly about wanting to die or are fixated on the topic of death and dying. There’s also extreme, frequent or occasional usage of some words or phrase while communicating.
2. Becomes withdrawn.
Changes in their pattern of behavior could be a warning sign. Suddenly avoiding friends and family, losing interest in activities and social events, and becoming isolated are indications of depressive behaviors.
3. Shows despair.
The person may talk openly about unbearable pain, or feeling like they’re a burden on others. This includes their social media accounts, they might feel safe to share their thoughts here. If you notice this; please raise the alarm and tell a trusted person.
4. Shows swings in mood or sleep.
Often, the person may be depressed, anxious, sad, or angry. They also may be very irritable, moody, or aggressive. There may be aggressive misbehaviors towards peers or older people around him/her. Because they can suddenly turn calm once they’ve decide to go through with the suicide you have to pay attention to signs and sudden mood swings.
5. Drinks or takes drugs.
Substance abuse raises the chance of suicide. They may Indulge in alcohol or hard drugs secretly or openly. Using drugs and alcohol may be an attempt to dull the pain or to harm themselves. This is usually accompanied by excessive adventure for sexual acts or pornography addiction.
6. Behavioral changes
Demonstration of esteem problem such as shyness, inferiority complex, or mental behavioral disorders such as bipolar calls for alarm. There may also be several complains of tiredness and stress on activities.
7. Other signs you should watch out for include:
• Disturbing Content such as audio, video or games that the child regularly feed on
• The lifestyle and behavior of the people he/she takes as friends and confidant.
• Journal writings or research and searches on death
• Violent killing of animals by a child without empathy
What To Do With The Signs
If you notice any signs, you must speak out and ask them questions, if you cannot do this mention it to someone who might be able to get them the help they need. Do not belittle how they feel, rather let them express themselves and then seek the help that they might need. Do not leave such a person alone and encourage them that suicide is never an option.
You may need to employ the service of a certified counsellor, therapist or psychiatrist to diagnose these signs.
How Parents and Caregivers Can Help
1. Keep an open line of communication with your child. This is the most important thing that you can do. They need to know that they have someone in whom they can confide in at all times. Listen to their concerns and help them navigate and find solutions to their challenges.
2. Let them know God for themselves. Do not spend all your time on your knees praying for them; that you forget to help them develop their own spiritual muscle. Life will always have some challenges and children need to be equipped. They should have a thankful heart, be able to pray and have faith when things are tough.
3. Power of Words. Children should also be taught to watch what they confess with their mouth. Labels such as “I am so stressed” or “I am depressed” can take on a life of its own and manifest itself. If a child gets in the habit of saying they are stressed help them to manage pressure in practical ways,
4. Limit Online Access. It is vital that you limit the amount of time that children and teenagers spend online. The more time they spend online, the more likely they can become addicted or suffer from overexposure and the stress that comes from that.
Does Social Media Go Hand in Hand with Teen Depression
According to Dr. Jeff Nalin, a Licensed Clinical Psychologist, social media and teen depression go hand in hand. If you have a teenager who uses social media on a daily basis, it’s important you learn how social media can cause depression and other problems.
It’s not uncommon for teens to have their smartphones on hand at all times. As a result they are always connected to external influences and almost never have the time to think for themselves. Peer influence is already something children need to deal with, with the onslaught of screen time it is even more challenging. Teens won’t always seek help when things go wrong online, making them feel even more helpless.
Facebook is reportedly using Artificial Intelligence to help predict when users might be suicidal. Every day, millions of social media posts, chats, and queries on Facebook, Snapchat, Google, Siri and Alexa relate to mental health. AI algorithms are being used to track and help prevent suicide.
Always remind the young people in your life that suicide is never an option! There is always hope and someone to talk to.