Why You Need to Prioritize Self-Care As a Parent

This year, I have been much more deliberate about building positive relationships. I am intentionally surrounding myself with “possibility thinkers,” people who live life on purpose rather than letting life happen to them. In busy cities like Lagos, the difference between the two is so important.

I had a fantastic conversation recently with a new friend. We ended up having a WhatsApp call (we meant to use skype but the internet connection had other plans). She is British and asked me what made LagosMums different. She wanted to know how a mum in Lagos differs from, say, a mum in Bombay, in New York, London, in Kenya, or anywhere else for that matter.

In reality, we are more the same than different. Any mother or parent wants the best for their child. While we are really the same I think one of the major differences with living in Lagos is the stress and hustle that we all seem to accept and a culture that is somewhat unique to us. Living in Lagos as an individual takes a certain focus; parenting in Lagos needs even more intentionality to raise children the right way.

Any mother or parent wants the best for their child Share on X

The Valentine’s Day Mirror: Do You Love Yourself?

As Valentine’s Day approaches, Lagosians take celebrations to the next level—roses, dinners, and “packaging.” But while outward expressions of love are beautiful, they must start with self-love.

Our children are watching us. They don’t just hear what we say; they see what we do. If we are constantly stressed, burnt out, and neglecting our own needs, are we teaching our children to look for others to love them more than they love themselves?

While outward expressions of love are important, we need to start with self-love and self-care. I always think about how children are watching us in everything we do (not just what we say), and it got me thinking about how self-care affects parenting. Do we teach our children to look for others to love them more than they need to love themselves?

Lagosians in our true style have taken Valentine's Day celebration to another level. While the outward expression of love is great, we need to start with self-love and self-care Share on X

Why Self-Care is a Big Deal

Self-care can simply mean taking care of yourself, right? It sounds so simple, but in reality, many of us are not doing this. By the time we run through our busy schedules, hustle lifestyle, traffic, and constantly marinate in stress, we end up giving the remnant to those who should matter most, ourselves, our spouses, and our children.

Parenting takes two people, both the mother and the father (or mother figures and father figures). So I am not focusing only on self-care for mothers, but also on self-care for parents. While we all react to stress in different ways, we are all affected by it, and we all need healthy coping mechanisms.

The Lagos Stress Audit: Where is Your Energy Leaking?

Before we can practice self-care, we have to acknowledge the unique “energy thieves” we face in this city. Do any of these sound familiar?

The Traffic Tax: Spending 2–4 hours daily in gridlock, arriving home with “remnant” patience for the kids.
The “Always On” Culture: The pressure to be a “Super-Mum” or “Super-Dad” who handles the home, the career, and the social calendar without breaking a sweat.
The Dual-Income Hustle: The mental load of managing rising costs of living while trying to remain present for school runs and homework.
The “Packaging” Pressure: The exhaustion of maintaining a perfect image on Instagram while feeling overwhelmed on the inside.

Parenting Tip: If you identified with more than two of these, your “parenting tank” is likely running on fumes. Self-care isn’t a luxury; it’s a recovery strategy.

Stop Procrastinating

Self-care includes no longer accepting certain things that affect your ability to achieve your goals. No matter what type of multi-tasker you brand yourself to be, you only have a certain number of hours per day to be actually productive.

Some of the things to let go of include procrastination and fear. I believe that procrastination is actually the cousin of fear. You can tend to put things off because you are actually fearful of facing them, either you are worried about succeeding or failing. You keep saying tomorrow or some other time, and it never comes. No matter how busy you are, you make time for the things that are important to you.

I believe that procrastination is actually the cousin of fear. You can tend to put things off because you are actually fearful of facing it. Share on X

When it comes to parenting, imagine you stop putting off spending quality time with yourself and your family for fear that work will suffer, or that you don’t know how. Yep! Some parents do not know how to spend time with their children after they pass the diaper stage – aka no longer cute and do everything that they want.

When you don’t do what you want, it lingers and affects other areas of your life. Your children will grow up quickly, and the time you invest in them will pay off when they become adults.

Become the Author of Your Life

Faith, we need faith, but do we read the part that says that faith without action is dead? Becoming the author of your life means taking charge of it. You do not have to accept all the things that happen to you; do not believe the lie that you cannot change what is happening. Change might be difficult in certain situations, but it is never impossible.

As a parent, every time you take action that results in an outcome, you pass along that energy and vibe to your child. As an intentional parent, there are so many chances to share wins and challenges with your child in ways that empower them to achieve their goals. A child who is raised by parents with a positive attitude is likely to grow up to be an author of his or her life, too.

Be Real

Self-care includes being real. Lagos is a melting pot of several cultures, activities, and demands on your time. There always seems to be an event and a fantastic Instagram photo moment. We are masters of packaging, looking great on the outside but sometimes struggling on the inside. We are masters of balancing the many hats we wear, but we don’t quite feel we are doing everything as we should. There is this pressure that affects everyone; unless you stop and take control.

This happens to fathers and mothers both! Fathers are working hard to make money and provide for their families, and it seems so tough. Mothers have more responsibilities, taking care of the home and striving to make money, too, because let’s be real, most homes are dual-income homes, thanks to today’s cost of living. The end result? Everyone is stressed, but no one is talking about how they really feel.

This might be where self-care really starts from! Be real with yourself first. Stop feeling bad about all the things you wish you could do, wish you should be doing, and missing out on the things that you are doing. Do things that you like to do for yourself, relax, sleep, listen to music, socialize with friends, and more. When you take care of yourself, you are a better person and in return can be a better mother or father.

Your children are happier when you are happier.

5-Minute Self-Care Wins for the Busy Lagos Parent

You don’t need a spa day to reset. When time is tight, try these “Micro-Wins” to regain your calm:

The Car Sanctuary: If you’re stuck in traffic, turn off the news. Put on your favorite music or a podcast. Reclaim that time as yours, not the road’s.
The “No-Phone” First Fifteen: Before checking emails or WhatsApp groups in the morning, spend 5 minutes in prayer, stretching, or deep breathing.
Hydrate to Regulate: It sounds simple, but dehydration spikes stress hormones. A glass of cold water can physically help calm your nervous system.
The Social Media Mute: If certain accounts make you feel “less than” or pressured to keep up, mute them. Protect your peace.
Micro-Connections: Spend 5 minutes of undistracted time with your child—no phones, just eye contact. It refills their cup and yours simultaneously.

To sustain being in a place of joy, you have to constantly work on it.

For more on Mum Life, Read the Diary Adventures of LagosMums posts.