Diary Adventures of LagosMums: DALM | How to Raise an Entitled Child
Raising children today require us to stay focused on what is really important. There are so many distractions, and many habits or trends that can get us confused.
In this materialistic age, there is always something new to buy and its always more more more. The other day my children were telling me that the Iphone X had been released. They went on to say that the people who keep buying every new phone released are just wasting their money. They talked about how the previous model came out not long before. My DH and I constantly tell them the importance of saving, we let them know that you plan for purchases and do not buy just because you want to – do have to ask do you need it? So when new phones come out, we don’t rush out to buy it because it would pass on the wrong message to them.
What is a teachable moment?
One thing I love is using “teachable moments” well, intentional parenting is very much about using teachable moments.
Teachable moments are those moments that just pop up; either in conversation, or through circumstances that present themselves. As a parent you can use this to pass on a message, instill or reconfirm a value. Parenting moments are not always perfectly planned, your children are being influenced by external factors and you have to be ready to communicate with them whenever. Listen to their point of view and use the moment to do some teaching. So next time your child asks you a question that makes you uncomfortable – you can be shocked in your head but then you need to slay the topic! Talk about it Speak, Love, Advise and Don’t Yell. My acronym for how to Slay Teachable Moments as a Parent.
How To Raise Entitled Children
See we all want to raise
children adults who are independent, confident, successful, are team players, God fearing, spiritually sound, wise, healthy, have a sound mind….You can have your list as long as you want. Just imagine your little Ruka or Sam as an adult and imagine all the things you want.
No one will ever consciously say they want to raise an entitled child…but in reality if you look around or are not careful, we might be raising more of these types of children. An entitled person is someone who thinks they are owed something in life without working for it. They feel they should get what they want, when they want it. They tend to have a bad attitude that goes with being entitled, or they struggle when they don’t get what they want.
Here are the things that entitled children who become entitled adults have in common
Always Gets Want They Want (and Now)
A new device comes out? they get it handed over to them. Or a child who tends to throw tantrums when you do not give in to their every request. As a parent you either reinforce this pattern or make sure your child learns that life is not about getting every desire fulfilled. They need to learn that because they want something does not mean they have to have it. Let them learn delayed gratification and working or saving towards a goal.
Does Not Follow Rules
You know those children who do not think that rules apply to them both in the house and outside. The child who feels he or she can break and flaunt rules and get away with it. Do not think it is minor. A child who does not respect authority; starting with their parents will likely grow up to ignore rules. So when school has certain rules in place, such as having a certain haircut don’t let your son flaunt it. Else, you are teaching him he can ignore rules. Remember when they grow up they will have colleagues, bosses, clients and society will have a set of rules that need to be obeyed etc.
Has no responsibility
Every member of a household should have responsibility, with children this starts with simple chores from a young age. Does you child have chores and responsibilities in the house? this is the starting point. Ask them to put their toys away, take their plates to the kitchen, wash their clothes. All this should be without being paid for it. Children who have everything done for them will not learn to do things themselves. If your child whines or complains, you need to be firm and get them to do chores without complaint.
Allowed to give excuses and lay blame
We all know those adults who can never take responsibility for their actions or cannot take feedback well. Yes it starts as children, encourage your child to take responsibility for their actions. Children should not blame other people for everything. If they don’t finish homework on time, they blame it on being hungry, if they came last in a race they blame it on being put in a race with very fast people. You get the picture? How you respond is very important. You can encourage them to see the part they play in every situation. So if your child comes last in a race, encourage them for doing their best but ask them what could they have done better? Did they do their best?
Parents step in and solve all their problems
Some parents are like helicopter parents, they are always there to solve all problems for the child. Your child has homework, the parent does it all. Your child is having a small disagreement with their sibling and you always step in to solve it. If you always help, the child will not build the ability to think about solutions and solve problems. Allow them to think through options.
The child who does not say thank you, is not appreciative of the things you do for them is on the way to being an entitled adult. You travel for the summer, they complain about traveling in economy class. They get a party pack at an event and they complain that their party pack is too small. You need to teach your child to have an attitude of gratitude and learn to be content.
Here are some of the ways that parents might raise an entitled child. These little steps can add up. After all, life is hard enough..don’t complicate it by raising entitled children. Let’s help each other and raise children who are kind, considerate and work hard. Remember our children will be in the future together, they will be each others colleagues or potential spouses.
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