Are you a good mummy? Have you ever wondered or just assumed it is a yes?
Not what you think, but according to what your children think. It is the same as the boss who thinks he is a great boss and his employees think otherwise.
I attended a parenting seminar and the speaker mentioned that she regularly asks her children how is doing as a mum. She sees it as an opportunity to see how her children rate her on the motherhood scale. We certainly would not want to parent blindly and be shocked that at the end of the day we did not do as good a job as we thought. It is not a chance to complain about t.v. viewing time, but for you as the parent to listen and pick up on what you are doing right and have a chance to “tweak” what is (if at all) necessary.
I spoke to a youth counsellor who said one of his youth, a teen confessed that he gets so mad with his mum that he cuts up her picture to vent his anger. Another said he punches his pillow to take out his anger. Ouch! Their reason? their mums never listens to them and always says “she is right”.
So have you ever asked your children how they think you are doing? You might be pleasantly surprised or alarmed by what you hear.
I am not sure if there is a right age to get feedback but I decided to ask my children whether “I am a good mummy”? They both enthusiastically said yes! I was very happy at this and quite chuffed. Then came the harder part, I went on to ask if there was anything they did not like.
They both answered yes just as emphatically! Ok…here goes…I thought!
So I asked them one at a time what they did not like that I do?
The older one said “I don’t like how you threaten us, saying you will punish us if we don’t do A or B”. The younger one said “I don’t like when you do not download an ipad game for me”. These were their complaints.
So I asked older one “how can I discipline you then”? She said “don’t threaten us, if we do something wrong just discipline us there and then”. She went on to advise that I should not say I will do A or B if they do not do B or C!  Lightbulb insight! Her issue is not being disciplined but rather that there is no need to threaten them.
I see this as a feedback loop, we have a long term relationship and if I am able to make necessary adjustments they will also feel free to communicate in the future. I agreed that I will not threaten any longer, I will discipline on the spot and explain why.
By the way isn’t this what the experts advise? Discipline and consequences for bad behaviour need to be consistent and clear. Getting schooled by a little child!
Turning to mr. ipad  I asked him if he expects me to download every game that he asks me to? To which he answered “if I ask you to delete a game and download another one why can’t you”? Very fair point! I have agreed to do this, at least for the free downloads.
Overall I would say I got an above average pass mark?
I encourage you to do a mummy review and share your insights!
photo source: tupain58
